It started with drinks...

Remember how I told y'all Mikey and I shared our first kiss underneath an Arby's drive-thru (and were subsequently inseparable ever since)? Well, that sloppy, drunken make out sesh happened four years ago today. 

Let's go back to our life in Vegas, four years ago, when we couldn't get enough of driving around town listening to Jack Johnson while holding hands, and applying a sepia toned filter to almost all our pictures...

May 3, 2008: night of our first kiss

May or June 2008: we used to always split a 6 pack of beer & watch a movie

Sep 2008: club night. I saved him from getting hit by a car this night. 

Gosh, we've changed so much. Mostly for the better. For instance, Mikey no longer has those disgusting glasses. 

Does it mean that the fire is gone if we no longer roll around on oily concrete, sucking face like horny teenagers? ;)

Let's Rewind 10 years: pt. 10

I'll tell y'all, I didn't think I'd be able to make it through 10 days of consecutive blogging...I like to take days off every now and then and get lazy. So let's finish this memory lane thing off, shall we?

2011 aka last year. 

~January: I started college, for the first time ever, and about 9 years late, but I suppose all that matters is that I'm finally gettin' my edumacation on. I mean, it's not like I was sittin' on my butt for all those years. 

~I turned 27! 

~April: Started hanging out with Isaac & Lissi, along with their 4 daughters. They live upstairs and we hang out pretty much everyday now. They're some of our best and most reliable friends in Jersey. 

~Enjoyed our first summer off, free to do whatever we wanted, in almost a decade! We took many trips, visiting my family in Texas twice, going to North Carolina, Delaware, NY of course, and Florida for our friend's wedding/vow renewal. 

We became an aunt and uncle for the first time, to none other than my favorite little boy in the world, Nathaniel. Meeting him for the first time was the happiest day ever.

The wedding in Florida also served as a grand reunion; we got to see a number of our old Vegas friends! Most importantly, I was surrounded by 3 of my best girlfriends in the world: Steph, Natty, and Chappie.

Steph, me, Natty, Chap

Natty & I enjoying the beach w/some of the best guy pals a gal could have

~December: We spent our first Christmas in Texas together. I hadn't spent Christmas with my family since 2008, and before that 2004...that's no longer going to be the case. Especially now with the babies in Texas. I wanna be there for everything!

Ten years in 10 days complete!

I hope you all enjoyed going wayy back down memory lane with me. It was a lot tougher than I thought, considering I'd forgotten, or put certain things behind me. Thank y'all for being full of thoughtful and inspiring words as you read along. 

I'll be back again later to show y'all some awesome surprise prezzies (I told you I was gonna steal your word, Allison) I received in the mail + the pretty things Mikey gave me that all together have made this the best start to 28! 

Love,

Roni

Let's Rewind 10 years: pt. 9

Look who's up early and off school! That means you get your post early today, weee!
Where are we again?...Ah, 2010. Another lively year.
~For my 26th birthday Mikey and I went out to eat at a yummy steakhouse (I'm addicted to filet mignon) and then we saw the Beatles LOVE Show by Cirque Du Soleil at the Mirage Hotel & Casino. It was an all around amazing time. Jen, I can't remember if you saw this while in Vegas or not, but surely you must as I thought of you during it.

Notice Mikey's stint as a brunette, lol

~Right after my birthday I found out I was pregnant....we were super happy. Every single one of my friends (and of course my family) have always known how badly I want kids. I mean, I know I was wild and crazy, drinking all the time, when I first got to Vegas; I know I've shopped like I'd never run out of money, but I've done everything that I've done because I wasn't a mother yet - because I was only responsible for me. Believe me when I say that if ever I could have traded my lifestyle for being a mom, I'd have done it in a second...I really wanted to be a young mommy. Go figure, the more you want them, the longer you get to wait. I believe in "everything happens for a reason" and I trust in God, that clearly I'll have them when I'm supposed to. Unfortunately I've had more than one miscarriage, and it's really the hardest thing a girl can go through. Harder than divorce, for me. To feel like you have something you've always wanted and you treat your body like there's something in there, caring for it, talking to it, floating on clouds, only to find out a week or so later that it just didn't attach itself the way it was supposed to...I remember conversations with older people, telling them how bad I wanted kids when I was younger; they'd always tell me to "wait" and "live a little"...I've come to think that maybe God is making me live a little, see things, before I have them. Even if I feel like I've done plenty of living. So, I don't know what else to do but be positive and trust that it's for a reason beyond my comprehension. While I wouldn't wish a miscarriage or the inability to have kids on my worst enemy, it's always been a comfort me for to know that I've got friends that share my experiences; it gives shoulders of hope to lean on when one of us has ended up pregnant after years of failed attempts and it simply gives us someone to talk to who can relate. I've since prayed my heart out that I please not ever get pregnant again if I'm going to experience another heartbreak with loss. I want the next time I'm pregnant to result in a baby Roni or Mikey running around.

So, after I miscarried, naturally I was a disaster. Sad. Crying. Quiet. I wanted the presence of a baby in the house in some form; I wanted to hold something cute and tiny. So I asked Mikey if we could go look at puppies. One look at Bowie and I wanted him to come home with us. He made me happy....and then once I'd gotten over my sad state, I was like "OMG why did I make us get another dog?!" Haha :) Oh, Bowie, he can be a carpet-ruining, new recliner chewing, clueless little ball of fur, but I love him, and every now and then I look at him and remember how much I needed him when we got him. 

~April: I took a crack at being a hair and [crazy] makeup model + runway for the super fabulous & famous hairstylist, Oribe. The show was held at the Palms Hotel & Casino. I did it with my friend Brandi and we had a blast. I found out just how shy I really am and how big of a bust it would have been to fulfill a child dream of becoming a model. Definitely not for me! But the $100 worth of free Oribe hair products & $100 cash was a nice payment for 8 hours of work/play. 

me & Oribe! 

~July: I was starting to out-process the military. My 2nd enlistment in the Air Force was coming to an end. We had our going away party and said goodbye to some of the best people we'd ever known. I cried A LOT. The military brought so many things to my life. Discipline. Responsibility. Travel. Change. But best of all, friendship...family. It was such a fun ride and I'm so glad I did it. I spent almost 8 years of my life wearing a uniform that represented something that will forever make me proud when I look back on it. 

Two quotes that I remember using in association with looking at all these pictures of our goodbye:

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."-if anyone knows who said this, please let me know. I can't seem to remember or find it. 

"Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious as to have friends at a distance; they make the latitudes and longitudes."- Henry David Thoreau

~August: We left Vegas and did a loooong road trip. We went from Vegas to Texas, Texas to North Carolina, North Carolina to Jersey. The whole thing took about 3 weeks as we stayed with both our mothers along the way. 

~October: We'd been living in Jersey for all of two months and already I was sad almost everyday without having friends around. I decided to fly to Tennessee for two weeks and have some girl time with Paige. 

Also this month, one of my best girlfriends from Vegas, Laura, came to Jersey to spend Halloween with us. 

~November: Chappie came out to visit me in Jersey! 

~December: Jen came out to visit me! I hadn't seen her in 5, almost 6 years by this time! It was Christmas time in NY and we had so much fun running around 5th Ave and Rockefeller Center, dancing with Santa in the street. 

2010 had so many tear inducing moments, it was such an emotional year all around, but a great one nonetheless. 

Hooray for blogging before midnight! Just think, y'all only have to read one more novel by yours truly. :) 

Love,

Roni

Let's Rewind 10 years: pt. 8

2009. So much happened.
~I turned 25! I remember actually being off work this day, so I slept in, woke up, and took silly pictures...because I couldn't believe I was 25. 

~March 7th: After roughly 10 months of dating, Mikey asked me to marry him. Wee! We were on our way to see the Tyler Perry play, The Marriage Counselor, and he went the opposite direction of the Strip. I was like, "where the hell are we going, our play starts in an hour?!" And he was like, "Oh, I thought it would be romantic to get some pictures in the desert, near the area where we first cuddled." (We had first cuddled on the side of the road one night, in the very beginning of our relationship. I was driving and I didn't want to drop him off yet, so I pulled over, turned off my car, we reclined our seats and listened to music with my sun roof open...looking up at the sky and talking. Then he asked me to hop over and just lay on him. *nothing happened* We cuddled, and that was the night.) So, we get to the location and get out of the car. He sets up the timer on my camera to capture some shots of us. But it was surprisingly chilly that day, for Vegas weather, and I was already bitching about wanting to get back in the car. Typical me. He says, "Just a couple more shots and we'll leave." So I put on a smile while he runs back to set the timer & multiple shot option, and then he pulls the ring out and says his little spiel. I was so impressed with how well he planned the proposal and thought to use the timer on the camera. He knows how important capturing happy moments are to me, and now we'll always have this photo to look at, in addition to having the memory itself. 

~March 13th (it was a Friday): We got married. After 6 whole days of being engaged! We just couldn't wait. Plus, he was due to go on a deployment in April and we wanted to be married before he left. We said "I do" in a small civil service office in downtown Vegas. There were 5 people present: our moms, my sister, his mom's bff, and our friend Chryssi. Afterwards, we went out to our favorite restaurant. A Moroccan place called Marrakech. It was simple, but perfect. We were married. That was all we wanted.

~April: Mikey and I flew to Jersey to spend time with his dad before his deployment. It was the first time that I'd been up so far north. I saw New York City for the first time and fell in love with it in a whole new way. I had loved it since I was a kid, but seeing it in person was like...wow! My father-in-law booked us a night at the Trump Tower as a wedding present. It was an incredible stay. Every time we left our room, there was a new free gift on our kitchen table waiting for us! To include a champagne bottle with a congratulations note for the newlyweds...which we of course drank and didn't save as a memento. 

horse carriage through Central Park

Mikey deployed a couple weeks later and the next 4 months sucked. Deployments can be tough on a couple. You'll be so frustrated that you're apart, it makes you fight. And fighting a million miles away is the worst. You can't just call each other whenever you want to make up. And you can't hug or kiss. But Mikey being the sweetheart he is, mailed me bouquets of roses, tulips, orchids, etc. at least every three weeks while he was away. It always made me cry happy tears to see how romantic he was, even all the way in Iraq. 

~While he was gone I started running, for the first time in my life. Well, you get fitness tested once a year in the Air Force, and it includes a 1.5 mile run. So really, I ran once a year, and even that measly little run nearly killed me every time. Running was not something that came easy to me. I couldn't get my breathing down at first. But everyday after work I'd hit the track or the treadmill. I found that running helped reduce all the stress from Mikey's deployment and the new stress I was dealing with at work. I could only run the 1.5 miles at first, then soon I was doing 3 miles a day, and eventually, I was running 6 miles like nothing. I'd gotten my breathing down, learning that if I matched it with my feet, and my feet to my music, I could run for an hour at a time. I remember one day a sergeant in my squadron asked if I wanted to go on a run with him. I met him in front of the squadron and we ran...for 10 miles! He didn't tell me how long of a run he was going for, but I kept up the whole time and never stopped. I soon became someone that lots of people went to for running advice because I had been someone who never could do it, or thought I couldn't before. It was fun to help motivate people the way other runners had motivated me before I started. I was so proud of myself and I'd gotten back to my normal weight. Right now I've gone the longest without running since I started in 2009. It's been about 6 months! Eek! I really need to get back to it. I always felt the best when I was running. Toned. Healthy. Energetic. And I'd wanted to do a half marathon....I think I'll start training for that again. (I put that in here, because it seriously was a big deal in my life. I had never exercised before. With the exception of the three years that I put on alcohol & late-night-munchies-because-of-alcohol weight, I had always been thin, but far from being in shape. When there's something in life that you just never see as being achievable or possible for you, the moment that you find you can do it, or you are good at it, you tend to be extremely proud of yourself. Running was that for me.)

~August: The day he got back we booked two nights at the Palazzo Hotel on the Strip and continued our honeymoon. We'd drink champagne and lay out by the pool during the afternoon and hit up yummy restaurants at night. It ruled. We also both worked out while apart, so here we sported our new bods.

~September: We moved out of a house we shared with three other roommates (to include Chryssi) and got our own apartment. I guess we decided Danzig needed a little brother so we adopted Jaxon. While we played with him at the pet store, he romped around and made us laugh. I had the song, "Jackson" by Johnny Cash & June Carter Cash in my head the whole time so I named him, opting to spell it with an 'x'. Jaxon was the cutest little pup I ever saw. 

Those were the big things of my 25th year/2009. I hope y'all enjoyed all the pictures :)

As always, thank you for reading. 

Love,

Roni

Let's Rewind 10 years: pt. 7

Oh boy, we're nearing the end of these posts! You know what that means! :)
Now we go to 2008. I was 24 years old and over the drinking-like-Snooki thing. I still went out about once a month, to a bar, a club, whatever, but being hungover damn near daily was far from my norm anymore. My overused phrase that year was, "I'm gettin' too old for this shi-".
Significant events from 2008:
~I visited my friend Paige in Tennessee. Let me clarify, I finally met in person the friend that I had been talking to on the phone and online every week for the previous two years. I had never done that before. Luckily for me, she didn't turn out to be an ax murderer. And yes, we're still friends today. In fact, we take turns making trips to see one another every year. 
~I started dating Mikey, after two years of being just friends. 'Just' drinking buddies, really. I plan on doing a lovey dovey post with the deets on how Mikey and I started dating as it nears our wedding anniversary in March or for our total time together anniversary in May. 
~Mikey tricked me into meeting his entire family after only dating for 3 months! It was so awkward, but hey, we're inlaws now so everything's kosher. And honestly, they were all really nice. I was the nervous nancy. I'm very particular about when I think it's appropriate to "meet the parents", and I remember thinking it was wayyy too soon. 
~However, by October I knew that Mikey and I were a sure thing, so I took him to meet my family in Texas. We had so much fun and my family absolutely fell in love with him. I had only ever taken home the ex before, so you see how I take these things seriously.  
~And of course, this was the year that I welcomed my girly side to take over after Mikey bought me the $268 French Connection dress...just for me to wear to our 5 month boyfriend/girlfriend dinner date at the Wynn Hotel. I was like a deer in headlights when he bought me that dress. All I did was try it on and say it was pretty. That's it. Next thing I knew, the store was having it steam cleaned and it'd be ready for me to wear by dinner time. Mikey even bought me some pretty bow pumps to match (which I've since given to Jen since they were a tad bit big). Since the day I met Mikey, he's done everything in his power to treat me like a princess and roll out the red carpet for me. And no one had ever spoiled me to such levels before. Granted I don't always need that...it's just nice for a girl to feel so special. We had fun wining and dining that year in some of Vegas' most luxurious and well-received restaurants. 
One word for 2008: magical.

The day I turned 24. Natty & Stephanie threw me a surprise birthday dinner. Can you spot Mikey? To this day I giggle or smile at pictures of us, where he's innocently standing so close to me, and neither of us knew what was in our future. 

Wrightsville Beach, NC. He was serenading me in front of everyone. Awkward? Yes. Romantical nonetheless? Certainly.

Walking around downtown San Antonio. I have a picture in front of this same little water fall-y area from when I was in 1st grade. I like revisiting nostalgic locations and getting new pictures. :)

And here's a picture of us before going to our 5 month anniversary dinner. I'm wearing the French Connection dress. It's seriously one lovely dress, right down to the touch. LOTS of tulle underneath - yay. I've worn it a number of times, but not in the last 2.5 years after I started running (and shed off the unhealthy 15 pounds I put on while drinking 7 nights a week & binge eating at all hours of the night in 2006/2007). It's too big for me now and hangs in its garment bag waiting to be taken to a tailor. :/

Thanks for reading, dolls. I'll talk to y'all tomorrow! Have a happy hump day. 

Love,

Roni

let's rewind 10 years: pt. 6

Other than working on my left [tattoo] sleeve, going to concerts every week, and drinking like a fish, the most significant 'thing' of 2007 was starting to form my 2nd Air Force family. It started with Steph, and in 2007 I added Natty, Chappie, Irena and a few great gents. My family in Vegas was much, much bigger than the one in Oklahoma and not everyone knew past "family members" since so many of my friends were getting out of the military or moving to new squadrons. Had all the friends that I called brothers and sisters hung out over the 4+ years I was there, I can only imagine all the fun we'd have had. 
FYI: I met Mikey during the first month that I got to my squadron in Vegas. We both remember that first day, but have different ways of telling it. His is probably the truer version though. He says he walked into the squadron to sign out for his flight (we called them "missions"). I remember looking up and seeing him walk through the door because the sunlight was coming in right over his head and it was too much for me...I was hungover. I thought he was cute, but I didn't really pay him any mind. He says he said hello to me and that I didn't respond. I don't believe this to be true for a second, because that's just plain rude! Although my friend Steph will argue all day that I was an "asshole" back then, partially due to the fact that I was always hungover. So maybe he's telling the truth. Anyway, he says he asked me what he needed to do to be good to fly (I kept track of flying currencies and made sure that no aircrew flew if they had tasks to accomplish prior to flight). According to Mikey, I didn't even answer him. I simply glanced only at his name tag, spun around in my swivel chair, and highlighted his name and information. Then I went back to what I was doing, all without looking up or saying a word. He said "thank you" and went on with his bizz. The funny thing is we ended up hanging out often because of all our mutual friends, like Purdie and Pickett. I didn't even call him Mikey; I called him by his last name. One thing however, I always thought he was a cutie pie. 
During this time I had a boyfriend whom I met at work. He was originally from California, so during our year of dating I got to visit Cali about 4 times. I went to San Francisco (twice--my favorite!), Sacramento, San Diego, Escalon (where he was from) and a few surrounding cities. I just can't believe I forgot to wear a flower in my hair while in San Fran. :( 

Irena & I. This picture is not from my 23rd birthday, but I spent it with Irena @ the E.R. (the bar)

I almost forgot I used to have black hair!

Natty & I on Fremont Street

When I referred to Mikey by his last name. 

Stephen, Mikey, Purdie, me, Irena, Heather

Halloween '07. I went as myself.

L to R: Chappie, Me, Tiffany, Steph, Cassie

LOL and one from eeeaarrly '07 of Mikey & I being friends and stuff. :)

Ew, I hate this picture of me. I also don't like me with blond hair.

Hope you enjoyed another one. Goodnight, y'all.

Love,

Roni

Let's Rewind 10 years: pt. 5

2006. 22 years old. Now this year was an adventure all its own.
I got back from my Ecuador/Curacao vacation, I mean, "deployment" in January and really just partied with my Oklahoma bffs and made every day, weekend, month count...because I'd gotten orders for my next assignment. I would be moving in May to Las Vegas. Believe me I was excited. But I was also extremely sad the closer I got to leaving. I didn't want to part with my little family. So it was very bittersweet. Leaving Oklahoma was super hard. I saved my last goodbye for Michelle. My scarecrow. I knew it'd be the hardest to leave her. She was there for me through the divorce, even in the aftermath dealing with the shock of it all, many a'times showing up at my door with a gallon of ice cream and a smile. I'll never forget that. She really was a God send. And of course, we had just been so glued at the hip for the last year. We even became roommates just so we could be together more! I was going to miss our going out nights and especially our staying in nights. The nights when we'd run to Wal-Mart and grab twizzlers, chocolate and tuna, and eat them all together while watching a cheesy movie. I'd miss little things like sharing our wardrobes and fixing her hair before we walked out the door for a night of dancing; I'd miss it all.
When I arrived in Vegas I stayed in bed for about 4 days, crying over my friends in Oklahoma and the fact that I was a bit nervous about starting over, yet again. But that's been my life since I was 18: starting over. And even though it's usually scary at first, I must say, all in all, change excites me. Eventually I got into my new-kid-in-town groove and quickly made friends. My first real Air Force friend being Stephanie. About a month or so after I got there, my little sister, Mona, moved out to Vegas. We had so much fun living together again. It had been over 3 years since we were together-everyday-sisters. My one and only regret of 2006 was -without me talking too much about this, because even the thought right now tremendously breaks my heart and makes me angry at myself- that Mona didn't stay in Vegas longer. There are so many crappy things that have happened in my life that even if I could go back I still wouldn't change them because of the lessons that came out. But her going back to Texas after about 4 short months is something I've often wished I could do over. I'm so sorry I was an idiot....I was a terrible sister in that situation. I was stupid and young and selfish. It was only after you left that I realized how much it hurt you and I'll always regret my decision. Thank God we're sisters and you have no choice but to forgive my horrible mistakes. :,)
On a lighter note, it was in 2006 that I adopted my favorite little monster: Danzig. Named of course after Misfits front man, Glenn Danzig.

Here I am celebrating my 22nd birthday -in OKC- w/a few of my best friends. 

Gary, Me, Andy, Michelle
My OKC bffs (several are missing) & I, toasting a few days before I moved to Vegas. Just about all of my OK-crew came out to Vegas to visit me shortly after I left. It was amazing. 

Andy, Chris, me, Michelle, Jer-Jer
From the fun days Mona lived w/me in Vegas. We'd gone to a hippy party.

Steph & I at my old stomping grounds, the E.R. (Emergency Room Lounge rock bar)

The day I met the furry love of my life

And a picture of me during, hands down, my most rebellious year. 

And the year I discovered the Chi flat iron - my curls have never been the same. :( I suppose that's my 2nd regret. 

Five more years to cover. Thanks for bearing with me through all of these drawn out posts! I swear I'm trying my hardest to shorten them. 

Have a wonderful Monday. 

Love,

Roni

Let's Rewind 10 years: pt. 4

2005: Quite possibly the best year of my life (not counting meeting Mikey, falling in love, getting married, etc). It started out pretty tough, putting an end to a 5 year (on & off) relationship, but my God, my life quickly did a 180. 
On February 10th, 2005 I turned 21. I went to work that day and made a decision. I was done with hurting. I was done being unhappy. I had put up with so much that I didn't deserve and for what? Because he was my first love. That wasn't enough to justify anything about us anymore. As soon as I got out of work I headed to the Oklahoma City Court House and filed for a divorce. I didn't want to go into another year of my life carrying the burden of an unquestionably unhealthy marriage. So many people have gotten bug-eyed when I tell them that I filed on my birthday. But I remember thinking, "If I don't do it now, I'll never do it. Today I have strength." It's like, in hanging out with this new family I'd formed with all my friends, I was myself again. The person I'd always been before I got married. And suddenly, the dark life I lead with my ex didn't fit in with me anymore. It wasn't worth it anymore to be on the other end of such chaos. My divorce was final on April 11, 2005. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry when I sat in divorce  court that day, but not because I felt I was making a mistake. I just thought it was an all around shame. I never wanted to end up in that situation, but even that day, I knew I had always done all I could from the moment I made a vow. And the strength I prayed for (every.single.day) that I was in that marriage, going through the breakdowns, was given to me. I felt it in the days leading up to me filing and every day since the day I started all over. 
My life with my ex was such a long time ago that it doesn't even seem like it was part of my life anymore. Except now when talking about it with y'all. He and I are friends and have been for quite some time. It's hard to explain how I could be so accepting towards a friendship with him, considering my parents, brother and friends dislike him (very much), but I've known him since I was 15. We grew up together in ways. We watched each other change. We have history. A painful history sure, but there were some good times. Once I forgave him and God let me move forward with my life (being I was happy without him) I knew that I didn't want to hold onto hard feelings. And we're seriously so much better off as friends. I mean, it's not like we phone chat every day. There's just a peace between us. And I prefer peace. I wholeheartedly wish him nothing but the best. 
The best thing about 2005? Everything else that fell into my lap. Happiness. And fun. Oh, and I went on my first deployments...to Ecuador and the Caribbean! Yeah, I got paid to drink cheap tequila in Ecuador, and snorkel, party and frolic on the beautiful beaches in Curacao (it's one of the ABC islands). 

Here I am on the day I turned 21- it had been two years since I celebrated my birthday!

Michelle & I

I started getting more tattoos! This was one I got soon after the divorce. It was to symbolize a moment in which I was the happiest I'd ever been. 

Jen & I

At the aquarium in Curacao, NA

Curacao remains the place I wish to go back to almost everyday. I had so much time to reflect there. Walk around the beach and think, even at night. I absolutely fell in love with it. Part of me will always be there.

I swam to a rock and took this picture.

I'll be back tomorrow. Probably late again since it's Super Bowl Sunday. Fact: I hate sports and have never sat through a whole game (of any sort). But I do enjoy the food at Super Bowl parties and I'm excited for the deliciousness that awaits me at my father-in-law's house tomorrow. Oh, and I will be rooting for the Giants, simply because they're from New York and that's my backyard. 

Y'all have a wonderful, easy Sunday. 

Love,

Roni

Let's Rewind 10 years: pt. 3

2004 was just an even worse continuation of 2003 (marriage wise). I was still trying desperately to hold on to "him", hoping that he was just going through a phase, or perhaps late symptoms of cold feet. But who has cold feet for over a year after saying "I do"? He was spending every weekend with the new friends he'd made at work, drinking in their dorm rooms. None of them were married and I know it made him miss having the same freedom those guys did. I spent my weekends reading marriage books at a nearby Christian bookstore. I was so desperate for God to step in and work a miracle. Of course we don't always get the answers we want. And that's not always a bad thing.
One of the hardest things, out of everything I went through during that time, was not wanting to talk to my mom about it. I never wanted her to know how broken I was. But she did, and we'd often cry together. Which hurt me more, because now it wasn't just me who was hurting. I hated her knowing the unhappiness in my life. I can't imagine that pain for a mother. Mothers want the best for their children and are truly omniscient beings; I couldn't have hidden my sorrows from her if I tried. Mom, I know you read along, so just know that it always meant so much to me that you never said, "I told you so". Thank you for choosing inspirational words and being so gentle. We both know you're not the crying, mushy type. Well, you never like to admit that you can be anyway. :) [I love you.]
I also hated being 20. I felt like I was stuck in a rut. And I remember always blaming a good chunk of my being miserable on the fact that I was 20. The age that didn't make a lick of sense to me. 
The good part of 2004? November and December. The ex ended up being sent on a rather unexpected deployment (I was furthermore depressed when this happened), but in efforts to not just stay at home and cry -I can't believe I still had tears left!- I started hanging out with friends I'd met on base. I still talked to Angel, but she was living farther away with her then husband, so I didn't see her as often, but it was through Angel that I'd met Jen in 2003 and we (Jen & I) got to know each other better this year. Additionally, it was Jen that introduced me to my best friend Michelle. I started hanging out with people that would be some of my best friends for life. For the first time in a long time I was having fun. I was happy when I was with these people. 
They're not all pictured, but my first Air Force family away from my real one was: Michelle, Jen, Jamilya, Phil, Kyle, Jer-Jer, Chris, Andy, and Dustin. We all still keep in touch, even if it's not as often as I'm sure we'd all like. Life just gets busy, I suppose. 

Michelle & I during a game of Catch Phrase

Jen & Michelle's squadron Christmas Party 2004. I went as both their dates :)

Sorry this came so late. Ashley & I didn't get back from the City till well after 3 a.m. And all we did was shop, eat, and take pictures in the Forever 21 at Times Square! I can't wait to share my latest JC heels tomorrow, err, later today. I'm gonna catch some z's. 

Thanks for reading, friends. Really, really. 

Love,

Roni

Let's Rewind 10 years: pt. 2

Now we'll revisit 2003. After I graduated bootcamp at the end of 2002, I was put on a bus in the middle of the night, with other graduates, and sent off to Mississippi. This was the first time I'd been out of Texas since I was a baby. The bus drove for hours, till the sun came up. I remember listening to the Smashing Pumpkins the whole ride there. To this day I cannot hear a single song from their greatest hits album and not see the image of myself on that bus, driving through Texas, then Louisiana, and seeing swamp lands through my window. I remember privately crying as I felt like some of the SP lyrics were talking specifically to me. I was so young and scared, but I was really excited, too. I didn't know what I was getting myself into, but I was ready for something to happen with my life.
I was 19 years old, living in a dorm room in Mississippi. For three months I'd be there doing technical training for the military. Basically that just means that I was going to school to learn how to do the job I'd signed up for. It was the first birthday I wasn't with my family for and I remember it being really, really hard. I called my mom from a pay phone (remember those?!) and cried.
I forgot to mention that I had gotten back together, during bootcamp (through letters), with my ex boyfriend. My first boyfriend ever. He was actually a huge part of the reason (not the only reason) that I left for the military in the first place. We were broken up -for the millionth time- and I wanted to finally move on, but I knew I wouldn't be able to if I stayed in San Antonio. Well, we all know how hard it is to move on from a first everything, so you can imagine how paralyzed I always was when it came to him. Of course I took him back 592904849 times. (Fyi, I don't believe in getting back with anyone - not even once. If it ended, then it ended for a reason. I learned that after this first relationship.)
So, as soon as my tech school was over in Mississippi, I went home to San Antonio again, for two weeks, before heading to my first permanent duty station, which was going to be in Oklahoma. While in Texas my ex and I tied the knot in a small church wedding. So there you have it. I was planning on never speaking on the blog about having been married before. It's not something I'm ashamed of, even though divorce is not something I flaunt. It's easy for me to talk of my divorce with my friends and family, but divorce can be a touchy subject to discuss with people who don't know you through and through. It'd especially make it difficult if someone who doesn't know what you went through passes judgment. But, I wanted to be honest, and I'm not ashamed of anything that has made me a stronger person, and this first relationship/marriage gave me the backbone that makes me proud. It's what makes me the tough-firecracker-cookie I am. (I don't put up with SHIT now. lol) ANYWAY, back to Texas. Everything happened super fast and wasn't really planned. The fact that he'd asked me to marry him, meant to me, that things would be different...that somehow all our problems would automatically be fixed. He had joined the military 2 weeks after I did and was finishing up his technical school in San Antonio (every job requires a tech school and the tech schools vary on location). At the time of our nuptials we had been together on and off for three years. More off than on. It was an emotional roller coaster of a relationship.
Without giving too much information about what went on in this marriage, I'll just say that when we got into our first apartment together in Oklahoma, we really had fun playing house...for all of 6 months. Then it was what it always was. And he thought we'd made a mistake by getting married so young/so soon.
So, that was home life. Back at my new office/squadron I was super happy. My supervisor was a wonderful, positive gentleman -named Jt Thompson- who started every morning out by playing the song, "Don't Worry Be Happy". And yup, you guessed it, I can't hear this song without missing him. (I'm listening to it right now.) He could tell when I was having hard times and talked to me like I was his daughter. I always miss that guy. I ended up becoming very close friends with one of my co-workers. Her name was Angel and we did everything together. She was the only friend I saw for about a year, and I could confide in her about my rocky marriage. I will always love her for having my back, too.

Me at 19. (I don't have a birthday pic b/c I didn't really have a birthday per se.)

This was the first time I'd really seen snow, so I attempted a snow man. Angel was with me
and thought OK's version of snow was a joke. She's from Connecticut. 

Angel & Jt (stuffing his face! hehe)

Well, I'll cut it off here. Whew! This was pretty awkward, not gonna lie. And sorry these posts will be long, it's hard to shorten up a year's worth of info. If you read the whole thing, BRAVO. :)

Love,

Roni

Let's Rewind 10 years: pt. 1

Today & the next 9 days I am going to go back the last decade of my life and highlight [in pictures] some of the most significant events of each year. Then on the 10th (my 28th birthday) I'll post a couple baby pictures along with the pictures of my 27th year. I hope y'all enjoy this temporary feature. 

My whole life I had never been one to tell anyone it was my birthday. I was never that little girl (or adult for that matter) that said, "Hey, my birthday's coming up, what are you gonna get me?"; I was always extremely shy to bring any attention to myself, so the idea of all these people showing me an overwhelming amount of affection all at once terrified me. (Of course this doesn't include my birthday parties thrown by my family.) Then as I got older I hated the idea that I "wasn't young" anymore, so I kept my birthday and age private for that reason, too. This year I've had a total change of heart and perception. A month or so ago I thought to myself how depressing it was going to be turning 28, and how ancient it made me feel. But immediately the optimistic part of me jumped in, and I thought about how much life I've had. All the experiences. All the love. All the friendships I've built. The beautiful things I've seen and places I've been. The stories I've gathered, through happiness and heartache alike, to share with my future kids. All these wonderful blessings that I've been alive to be apart of. And when I thought of it like that, I realized that is the way I want to always receive the notion of getting older. Through every mistake I've made, and boy have I made a ton, I can honestly say that I just keep getting better as the years go by, and I'm very happy with who I am. That's the most important thing, I think, to be happy with ourselves. To accept ourselves. So never again will I let myself fall into pessimistic mode when February rolls around. I shouldn't huff and pout, I should be happy and thankful that I've still got a life to live! So in sharing with y'all that my birthday is coming up, I'm not looking for a buttload of "Happy Birthday" comments [that day] and please don't feel obligated; this is simply my way of celebrating my life, finally being free of my awkward birthday blues! And no one should feel awkward or shy about celebrating the gift of life. Can I get an Amen?  ;)

Now, 10 years ago, in 2002, I was 18 years old. Couldn't break 100 pounds to save my life, and the only reason I was able to get into the military being underweight was because some of the instructors had me drink an entire jug of water before weigh-ins! I was also put into a group that was allowed more time to eat during chow (we were normally given about 5 minutes) and I was given cakes when we were sooo NOT ALLOWED sweets, all in the name of putting weight on this little trainee. 

My ex's mom (who is amazing) threw me a surprise Barbie party for my 18th birthday

Here I am lookin' awkward b/c I didn't expect this. lol

3 significant events from my 18th year: 

High School Graduation; joining the Air Force; graduating bootcamp

This little feature will also serve as a means of y'all getting to know more about me. Things will get personal in the next couple days when I go back to the next couple years, and I'm feeling a little nervous about sharing something that I haven't talked about, but what little skepticism I do have is overshadowed by the fact that I know none of y'all are ones to judge. From everything I've seen thus far, y'all are incredibly open-minded, accepting and encouraging. And I love that about every one of you. 

Coming back to do an outfit post along with sharing an amazing thing that happened today! 

Love,

Roni