On February 10th, 2005 I turned 21. I went to work that day and made a decision. I was done with hurting. I was done being unhappy. I had put up with so much that I didn't deserve and for what? Because he was my first love. That wasn't enough to justify anything about us anymore. As soon as I got out of work I headed to the Oklahoma City Court House and filed for a divorce. I didn't want to go into another year of my life carrying the burden of an unquestionably unhealthy marriage. So many people have gotten bug-eyed when I tell them that I filed on my birthday. But I remember thinking, "If I don't do it now, I'll never do it. Today I have strength." It's like, in hanging out with this new family I'd formed with all my friends, I was myself again. The person I'd always been before I got married. And suddenly, the dark life I lead with my ex didn't fit in with me anymore. It wasn't worth it anymore to be on the other end of such chaos. My divorce was final on April 11, 2005. I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry when I sat in divorce court that day, but not because I felt I was making a mistake. I just thought it was an all around shame. I never wanted to end up in that situation, but even that day, I knew I had always done all I could from the moment I made a vow. And the strength I prayed for (every.single.day) that I was in that marriage, going through the breakdowns, was given to me. I felt it in the days leading up to me filing and every day since the day I started all over.
My life with my ex was such a long time ago that it doesn't even seem like it was part of my life anymore. Except now when talking about it with y'all. He and I are friends and have been for quite some time. It's hard to explain how I could be so accepting towards a friendship with him, considering my parents, brother and friends dislike him (very much), but I've known him since I was 15. We grew up together in ways. We watched each other change. We have history. A painful history sure, but there were some good times. Once I forgave him and God let me move forward with my life (being I was happy without him) I knew that I didn't want to hold onto hard feelings. And we're seriously so much better off as friends. I mean, it's not like we phone chat every day. There's just a peace between us. And I prefer peace. I wholeheartedly wish him nothing but the best.
The best thing about 2005? Everything else that fell into my lap. Happiness. And fun. Oh, and I went on my first deployments...to Ecuador and the Caribbean! Yeah, I got paid to drink cheap tequila in Ecuador, and snorkel, party and frolic on the beautiful beaches in Curacao (it's one of the ABC islands).
Here I am on the day I turned 21- it had been two years since I celebrated my birthday!
|Michelle & I|
I started getting more tattoos! This was one I got soon after the divorce. It was to symbolize a moment in which I was the happiest I'd ever been.
|Jen & I|
|At the aquarium in Curacao, NA|
Curacao remains the place I wish to go back to almost everyday. I had so much time to reflect there. Walk around the beach and think, even at night. I absolutely fell in love with it. Part of me will always be there.
|I swam to a rock and took this picture.|
I'll be back tomorrow. Probably late again since it's Super Bowl Sunday. Fact: I hate sports and have never sat through a whole game (of any sort). But I do enjoy the food at Super Bowl parties and I'm excited for the deliciousness that awaits me at my father-in-law's house tomorrow. Oh, and I will be rooting for the Giants, simply because they're from New York and that's my backyard.
Y'all have a wonderful, easy Sunday.