One of the hardest things, out of everything I went through during that time, was not wanting to talk to my mom about it. I never wanted her to know how broken I was. But she did, and we'd often cry together. Which hurt me more, because now it wasn't just me who was hurting. I hated her knowing the unhappiness in my life. I can't imagine that pain for a mother. Mothers want the best for their children and are truly omniscient beings; I couldn't have hidden my sorrows from her if I tried. Mom, I know you read along, so just know that it always meant so much to me that you never said, "I told you so". Thank you for choosing inspirational words and being so gentle. We both know you're not the crying, mushy type. Well, you never like to admit that you can be anyway. :) [I love you.]
I also hated being 20. I felt like I was stuck in a rut. And I remember always blaming a good chunk of my being miserable on the fact that I was 20. The age that didn't make a lick of sense to me.
The good part of 2004? November and December. The ex ended up being sent on a rather unexpected deployment (I was furthermore depressed when this happened), but in efforts to not just stay at home and cry -I can't believe I still had tears left!- I started hanging out with friends I'd met on base. I still talked to Angel, but she was living farther away with her then husband, so I didn't see her as often, but it was through Angel that I'd met Jen in 2003 and we (Jen & I) got to know each other better this year. Additionally, it was Jen that introduced me to my best friend Michelle. I started hanging out with people that would be some of my best friends for life. For the first time in a long time I was having fun. I was happy when I was with these people.
They're not all pictured, but my first Air Force family away from my real one was: Michelle, Jen, Jamilya, Phil, Kyle, Jer-Jer, Chris, Andy, and Dustin. We all still keep in touch, even if it's not as often as I'm sure we'd all like. Life just gets busy, I suppose.
Jen & Michelle's squadron Christmas Party 2004. I went as both their dates :)
Sorry this came so late. Ashley & I didn't get back from the City till well after 3 a.m. And all we did was shop, eat, and take pictures in the Forever 21 at Times Square! I can't wait to share my latest JC heels tomorrow, err, later today. I'm gonna catch some z's.
Thanks for reading, friends. Really, really.