Fall blues

It's raining a ton in Florida right now, and while I'd normally be in gloomy day heaven, I can't help but think, "this doesn't feel like Fall." It was hot as shit yesterday and the humidity destroyed my hair. I can barely get two whole days of dirty hair down here before my mane just looks yuck. There's no foliage; no purples, mustards or reds. I love palm trees and the beaches and all, but just not during my favorite season. I've spent the morning looking out the window, watching the rain fall and thinking of what the weather is like in New Jersey and New York right now. How there's sunlight during the day but it's chilly enough to require a jacket. I'm even yearning for the smell of a northeastern fall. The smell that never lasted quite long enough before the harsh winds of winter left marks on your cheeks and made your ears wanna cry. What I'm trying to say is, you shouldn't have back sweat stains on your shirt in October. And speaking of shouldn'ts, I know I shouldn't be complaining. I do remember how much griping I did every year when winter seemed to overstay its welcome (by months!), but it's funny how you can miss the things that irk you.
I'd give anything to be walking through Central Park right now, holding hands with Mikey and eating a pretzel, or walking down any of my old favorite pathways on FDU, heading to my next class while stopping to take pictures of the same mansion and the same towering trees, like I did just about every single day during my two and a half years there.

a copy of a copy of a copy

"With insomnia, nothing's real. Everything's far away. Everything's a copy of a copy of a copy. When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake." (Fight Club is one of the coolest, most relevant movies ever. Maybe.)

You may or may not be able to tell, but when I took these pictures the other day, I was headed to school and I hadn't slept in almost 30 hours. 

Mikey's been in Florida, working at his new job (and doing exceptionally well, I must add) for the last month and some change. I've been here in Jersey, finishing up my semester and living with his dad. Most girls can't handle separation from their husbands, I think I do it just fine. But I'm not most girls (and it also helps that he's not in Iraq this time--I admit, I didn't handle 130 days of that so great in the beginning, but that's different--there isn't much of an FPCON level in Fort Myers, Florida). I love my alone time and when I have it, I cherish it by spending a good amount of time thinking, reading, drinking wine, listening to music, taking bubble baths, painting my nails, writing in my journal, and watching a shit ton of Arrested Development (but you already knew that). I have my whole life to spend with Mikey, so there's no sense in me crying everyday that I miss him so much. It goes without saying that I do. But I've also always been abnormally independent. It doesn't mean I don't love as much, I just do it differently I guess. Why am I even saying all this? To show how strong I am? I don't think so. Quite the contrary I suppose. You see at night, that's when everything becomes a bit more challenging. I'm used to Mikey sleeping next to me. I guess in that aspect, I've grown very dependent. In bed with him, I sleep better. Like a baby. Since he's been gone, I haven't had the best sleep. I've been averaging about four hours a night during the week--if I sleep at all--but come the weekend, I can be in bed by nine or ten p.m. and sleep well past noon the next day. (Maybe school is just stressing me the fudge out and that's why I can't sleep during the week? Who knows.) I recently purchased a bottle of "Sleep Aid Maximum Strength" at Target; the lady at the pharmacy counter told me it's really just Benadryl and that she recommends it over Melatonin (which is what I usually take) if you're having honest to goodness trouble sleeping. It obviously works like a dream, but I've been trying not to take it every night, so as to give myself the opportunity to fall asleep naturally. I was godawful tired tonight, so I resisted the sleep aid and what do you know? It's 4:37 in the morning and I have class at 9:55...

If any of you have suffered from this ruthless bitch, Insomnia, and have any remedies that might work, feel free to send them my way. 

Vintage 1950's dress from The Attic in Las Vegas (it was a gift from Mikey on our 1 year anniversary)

Gem stone floral necklace: Anthropologie 2010

Mel by Melissa "Apple" Bow Jelly Sandal (mouthful)

In other news, Spring has finally sprung in New Jersey. It's beautiful, especially on FDU. And oh yeah, I suppose it's been a while since I posted (shocker), so I have new hair. Hiiiii. K bye.

Love, me.

P.s. I start my week long road trip to head south to Florida next Friday after my final exam! I'm making a few pit stops along the way to see some old bffs, my mother-in-law, and maybe meet up with some girls who I adore from IG (I'm spontaneous-and crazy-like that). Can't wait!

smiles, pleasantries, and a car wash: how to make my day *slash* I love when people are nice to me

{{See also: The Little Things}}

Dress: Dear Creatures// Cardi: so old, don't remember// Tights, pumps: ModCloth// Bag: F21 (also old)

These were taken yesterday, Friday. It's a day worthy of mention since people, strangers essentially, were just so nice to me. I mean, nice enough to boggle my mind multiple times as I was running my errands. (Northern New Jersey/NYC area aren't exactly known for being hospitable--not to say they never are.) For a second, it felt like my birthday and the niceties were obligatory or something. But nope, I wasn't wearing a Little Mermaid tiara and there wasn't a five dollar bill pinned to my dress to initiate a followup of even larger bills (why do I forget to try this out every year?). People were just in a good mood, in this rat race "I'm too busy to even respond to your 'hello'" city! It was wonderful and it honestly just uplifted my spirits. Can I share a story? Yeah? Okay...
When we first moved here, and I'm talking the first day we got here, we walked down the street from our apartment to get a slice of pizza around the corner (cliche much?). Mikey and I passed dozens of people on that short walk and I said hello to almost all of them; not a single person acknowledged my attempt at pleasantries. Most didn't even look up at me and speed-walked past, others actually looked at me like I was a quack. All I said was hello.
I remember eating the pizza in the most pissy, depressed manner (the saddest girl to ever hold a slice of pizza-- I'm making a Vanilla Sky joke). "I wish we'd stayed in Vegas," I moped, "people in the south and on the west coast are a lot friendlier than here...everyone was right, east coasters are kind of assholes." Mikey tried to console me and simultaneously bash the east coast/west coast, who's nicer logic I was throwing at him (he's originally from Jersey). He told me that maybe the people around here weren't used to such bubbly personalities on the street and perhaps I just caught them off guard. "It is a busy city and people just move faster here; they don't really have time to stop and chat with strangers," he took his chances at explaining for them. "But I didn't try to chat, I said hello!" I was getting emotional, as I usually do when I'm in a new state that I want to fall in love with but I'm still missing and comparing everything to my last home. "I know, I know. And it was rude for them to ignore you, but what can you do? Don't let it hurt your feelings. And don't let a few rude people on the street ruin your first day here...we have to live here for at least four years." I remember him saying this and looking at me like I was his child, his head titled looking at me with reasoning eyes while his left hand did that slow, swiping motion down my back. I was holding back tears that probably only came on because it started pouring outside and our table was right at the window. Feeling sorry for yourself can be quite pathetic, but add rain and a window and all I want to do is be the baby I sometimes feel like I am, especially when I'm the vulnerable new girl (this takes place for a few weeks before I become the 'confident and sassy new girl, who everyone should know'). He said this area was going to be very different than anywhere I'd ever lived, but it didn't mean the people weren't as kind. And he was right (duh). I was pretty bitter for the next couple weeks, but I couldn't stop being me. That first day at the pizza place, I probably sounded like a brat, er drama queen, when I said I wouldn't ever say hi to anyone that I walked past again, that if they wanted an asshole I could definitely be their girl. And trust me, I could, but it's not who I want to be for no reason. Ever. So I kept up the smile and niceties toward strangers that make me Me, and it didn't take long for the surrounding neighbors and passersby to treat Mikey and I with the same courtesies. Sure, to this day, not everyone responds to the "hello" or "how are you" I extend their way, but I certainly don't get butt-hurt anymore. It also didn't take long for me to adopt some of the east coast ways myself...like a few driving habits I'm not proud of. Mikey's always reminding me that I'll need to slow my pace down in general when we move to Florida, because they're on island time there, and I'm forever in a state of rushing like most of the people around me here. I suppose I've turned into a speedy little rat (?) myself. I just haven't forgotten to be nice to people in between. And that's what I appreciated so much yesterday.
After school I went to the Mini dealership to check on one of my tires because I got a little pop-up message that one of them was low...a month ago! Oopsy. Not only did they put air in it, but they found a small leak in my oil thingy (that is the correct term for non-mechanics like myself) and fixed/replaced that. They apologized countless times for the wait to which I kept assuring them that I had nowhere to be. I've never been one of those "my time is precious" people. I mean, I suppose all of our time is pretty precious but I'm just not going to be a dick to someone who's helping me. Plus, I had a huge bag of Starburst and they were playing The Lion King in the waiting room--did I really need to rush off?! Nah ah. So the nice dude at the counter lets me know my car is ready, thanks me for my patience, and I go outside to see my baby Aldous (my car's name) all clean and shiny. They washed and vacuumed my car! Now, either they're just as sweet as can be or they noticed that I had six months worth of dirt caked on and thought they needed to hook a girl up. It didn't matter, they made my day. The rest of the day consisted of a handful of other friendly encounters at business establishments that Mikey and I popped in at. Maybe it was obligatory customer service with a smile stuff and maybe people were just happy it was Friday. Either way, I was just warmed by the cheerfulness of so many strangers and workers. A few people (girls) even complimented me on my outfit! One was from the girl at the service desk at Mini, who I've seen on several occasions. She never really smiles or looks too approachable so when she told me that my outfits "always brighten her day because they're so colorful," I was like, "who me?" It was completely unexpected and so sweet, I'm sure I was blushing like an idiot when I thanked her. I wonder if she read my blog post from a couple weeks ago? ;)
I suppose I should shut up and end this babble now. Bottom line: people of New Jersey, thank you for not being pricks yesterday.
Ooooh, I'm only kidding. Y'all were sweet as pie and made my heart really happy. Thank you. Keep that shit up.

Love,
me.

Note: If it wasn't clear, I don't think east coasters are assholes; I think we're all kind of assholes with the potential to be really nice...and vice versa.

home sick/mommy sick

Today, right now, I'm missing my mommy.

I can't wait till the next time I go home. I know my mom and I will do lots of laughing, talking till the wee hours of the morning, and get pints of Blue Bell ice cream to eat while we sit on the couch and watch movies. And of course, she'll make me menudo.
One day, I'll live in Texas again and she'll only be a drive away.

the early November

Guys, here are some pictures that never made it to the blog because I decided to take that long break. These are from November, right after I made it to my first blogaversary and Mikey bought me a celebratory dress for the occasion. We were at school and there were tons of leaves everywhere so naturally, I played in them. Here are the photos.

Coat: Oasis// Dear Creatures dress via ModCloth// Cardi: Express// Tights: ModCloth// Brogue shoes: Endless

This is one of my favorite dresses to play with. It looks so different/lovely/perfect with heels! If I could own everything Dear Creatures puts out, I'd be the happiest girl everrrr.

I think that last one is a pretty neat shot, if I may be so boastful. Good job, Mikey. 

How many of you know that The Early November is--well, was--a band? They used to be one of my favorites, back in my emo days. It's still fun to play them in my car and reminisce on past times (especially with this song). Not only that, the early part of November is also my favorite time of year. The air just smells and feels better. And it reminds me of chilly nights in 2002 when I first began my adventure in the military (I was so young!). I wrote a little personal essay about that last year, maybe I'll share it one day. 

Anywho, I hope you're all having a relaxing Sunday. 

Love,

me

Starlet or Streetwalker?

(If you don't watch Fashion Police on E! then this post title is probably making you go "what the fu??")

Metallic coat: ASOS// Sweater dress: Etsy// Glitter collar: my pal Chryssi made it!// Knee highs: Target// Bait shoes: won in a giveaway on Scathingly Brilliant// Satchel: Marshall's

I wore this--what I initially thought as cute--little number last month to sort of pay homage to two of my favorite movies: Pretty Woman & Clueless. But boy, did people look at me like I was strictly a streetwalker (what kinda hooker have you seen wearing pink bows and baby pink flats?!). All because of about 2.5 inches of exposed thigh. I felt all kinds of uncomfortable wearing this at the grocery store after I felt many a'pairs of eyeballs shooting death stares at me, mainly female ones. Which, I don't understand. Why are women such bitches sometimes? I mean, I could understand if my boobs were out so much that newborn babies were tempted to suckle, or if this dress was see through and I was wearing a thong, or if I was winking at the men that these women clutched onto so tightly, but clearly I wasn't. I was simply holding the hand of my husband and picking out which cereal I wanted: Fruity Pebbles or Cap'n Crunch (I went with the latter, obviously).
When I see a girl in a cute, out of the ordinary outfit, I actually go up and tell her that she looks lovely. But that's just me. I'm not saying that strangers should line up to commend me on my great fashion sense (though I wouldn't turn fans away ;)) , but jeez louise, if you don't like what I'm wearing is it really going to make you feel better to stare at me like I just killed five kittens?
Really, it all comes down to this: if you don't have something nice to say then shut the fuck up and look somewhere else. Right?

Note: I am not at all mad today, I was just recalling my emotions. Sorry that I had to use vulgar language. It was necessary.

Happy Friday!! And remember, be nice to one another, girls. <3

Improv

Who says you can't use an iPad case as a clutch?? Especially when it's a darling Ted Baker one with a center bow. Well, you can. I just did....and I don't own an iPad.

Dress: Ruche// Cardi, tights: Target// Bait Shoes (won in a giveaway!)// Ted Baker iPad case: Nordstrom// hair scarf: gift from Mommy

Happy Valentine's Day, ya'll. 

29.

This is what I looked like on the eve and day of my 29th year, celebrating with booze and cake at Clash in Jersey, and eating dinner at the stunningly dark and utterly delicious Buddakan in New York City (my father-in-law is the best!).

both birthday dresses are from ModCloth (top is Bernie Dexter in Winter Wonderland)

shoes: Swedish Hasbeens Mimmi 

(my sister-in-law has the pics from the restaurant)

My birthday crept up on me this year. I almost missed it, quite honestly. Luckily, it takes zero time to drive down the road and order a Date with Elvis* from my favorite bartender/bar owner and friend, Bob. My buddy Sean from school and his fiance also met up with us; it was my first time meeting Joanna and as you can tell from the pictures, we hit it off really well. No offense to all my good guy friends that came out that night last minute (thank you!), but I don't think it would have been nearly as fun if Joanna wasn't there. I like girls who are loud, crazy, willing to dance to any song (and be the only ones on the dance floor), girls who are a lot like...well, me.  

Anywho, I only cried about three times, so all in all I suppose it was a good, normal fading-20's birthday. 

This post is actually kinda lame. Sorry. I'll try and have something better next time round. <3

*Date with Elvis is one of my favorite specialty drinks at Clash. A mix of whipped cream vodka (or marshmallow vodka--I can't remember what it says anymore), tequila, and margarita mix. It's pure yum.

last New Jersey winter

Oh, heyyy.
Well, I certainly didn't plan on taking a 3.5ish month break from my blog, but what can I say? Life just happens. A lot. And after a while, the guilt that normally encompassed me when I missed as little as three days of blogging disappeared.
I'm here right now because I want to be. I really miss having a sort of picture diary, versus just having my personal daily journal. When I was updating here so much I  abandoned my journal, and I always felt so horrible because, as you would imagine, I shared 'more' there. I miss all the friends I made here and the ways we communicated, but to be honest, I still don't see myself updating this thing as much as I used to (but who really knows with me?). I will, however, update when I can, therefore making this what I initially intended it to be: for me; for memories; just because; for fun. I don't like feeling like things I enjoy are chores and I think that's part of what happened before. Plus, aside from getting their phone calls and texts WEEKLY, I know my mom and sister want so bad to come to this website again and actually see what I've been up to. Our every-other-day phone calls are just not enough for them. :) So, Mom, Mona, this post is for y'all.
Today it snowed. And apparently it's going to snow a lot-lot more. Mikey and I decided to document our last winter/snowstorm here in Jersey. (Dear God, I hope it's our last one.) He recently got a job that will be requiring us to move to Florida before the start of summer. We're so, so excited! I'm eager to get back to the south end of the U.S. I miss not having four seasons. (Hey, I've lived in Texas, Oklahoma, Vegas, Ecuador, and the caribbean--I crave the hot-hot-heat!) But I'm very happy having been able to finally experience a white Christmas, random snowfalls on Halloween, gorgeous foliage sceneries in the fall (my favorite season), beaches a short drive away, and of course New York City and its tremendous energy (and exquisite fine dining) whenever I felt like it. New Jersey & New York, you will be missed. Now, bring on the blizzard!

A (class)room with a view. I love my school (stated on this blog for the billion&fifth time). I think I'll miss it more than any other place in Jersey and NY combined. 

"Wait, I forgot to put on lipstick--I look too pale!"...*runs inside for MAC Russian Red...*

...again with the hand on the head. I had a high bun under the beanie & felt like the hand made the big bulge less noticable. Wrong. 

Licking some snow off my lip, ha!

Today was fun. (Did I already say that?) I baked a batch of cookies and sat near my window, drew the blinds and just stared, dreamily, at the falling flakes. Snow and I have had a long, complicated love/hate relationship the last three winters. It's beautiful as it falls and absolutely charming in the way it decorates ordinary structures, but oh, dear Snow, why must you cause already-subpar drivers to drive even more like shit and scare the hell out of me while doing so, completely interrupting the moment I'm having while singing softly along to Beach House, so that I have to neurotically restart the song--about 6 times--because I didn't get to 'feel' my favorite part? I hate you for that, more than when you become the annoyingly disgusting brown slush that dirties up said structures and my cute Mini Cooper. But I digress. Snow, if this weekend is the last I see of you before we leave then I'll know that you came as a birthday (it's Sunday) gift to me, and I suppose I should say thank you. I know I'm sure your intentions have always been good. 

Was that weird? ^^^ I have had a couple glasses of vodka since coming back inside. Don't judge me, Mom. I needed to warm up, duh. 

Mom, Mona, and anyone else who will happen to see this post, I hope y'all enjoyed the wintry photos and the vodka-induced ramblings of a self-proclaimed tumbleweed. 

Until next time!

<3 a stranger.